I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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