I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
