my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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