this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
