Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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