I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
