I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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