U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
