I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
