hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
