there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
