i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
