he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
