So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
