We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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