right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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