Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
