I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
