I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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