break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pants are for mortals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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