Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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