Plan B is the new Plan A
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
