we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
