So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
