Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
