there's paper in my vomit.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
