this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
as a side note pls kill me
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