i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
