i think my mom watched the whole time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
