singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
