I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
