Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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