and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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