Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
