I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
