Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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