Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
