I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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