my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
