how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
