he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
