Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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