I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I look better un-naked...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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