If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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