I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
