Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
