No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
