Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
