If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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