Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
