That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
