Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
